Archive for January, 2012


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Let me start by saying, that I LOVE Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While I wasn’t lucky enough to catch it during it’s original airing (I was like 9 or 8 when it came on) thanks to Netflix, i’ve finally been able to watch the show. Joss Whedon (the creator of the tv show) was able to take a very simple concept of a cheerleader who kicks vampire ass, and turn it into a very emotional compelling show. The characters are so well written that you invest your all into them and the story are creatively told that you are hooked. I can’t imagine watching this during it’s original run and having to wait a week for the next episode.

Anyway…back to why this remake is going to suck a sack of shit. I’m going to try to keep this rant as sensical as possible by listing them.

1. Joss Whedon isn’t invovled

This is probably the DUMBEST move in the entire production of this movie. Like I said before, Joss Whedon is what made Buffy what it is today. I mean, what sense does it make not to have the writer involved? Most fans of the show know who he is, so why would they not want him involved? If it was because he was working on the Avengers movie, couldn’t they have waited until he was free to write the script? This was the very reason the 1992 abomination to film Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was the critical punching bag it is known as today. But at least, at the time anway, Whedon was relatively an unkowen; it would only be natural for filmmakers not to trust thw ideas of some new writer. Now though, everyone knows what a talented writer he is and that he is the face behind Buffy. Hell even former cast members themselves have said it’s a dumb idea not to have Whedon write the script. Check out this link:

http://allieiswired.com/archives/2011/05/sarah-michelle-gellar-speaks-up-on-buffy-remake-video/ 

2. Buffy is a franchise way to recent and it’s not gonna be in canon to the series

Now, if this series was at least 30 + years, this wouldn’t be a problem. Younger audiences may be reluctant to watch anything older, or maybe there are some new ideas to bring to the table. In Buffy’s case though, the series only ended in 2003! That’s not even 10 years! People STILL remember the series and season 9 still is going on to this day in comic book form.  Also, don’t they realize that most of the audiences watching this series has probably seen the show?  That is who this should be marketed towards anyway. I’m not saying they have to name drop characters every 20 seconds, but some sort of recognition to the history of the show would be nice!

3. None of the orignal cast is going to be in this movie

I could have probably put this up with the Joss Whedon complaint, but I think is dumb enough to earn it’s own separate complaint. Why would the production company not think audiences would want any of the characters we’ve grown to love. The characters are what elevated the show to it’s near perfection level. So not having the orignal actors or even the same fucking characters is again, very STUPID!

This is probably just a sad attempt to cash in on the whole Vampire craze (thanks Twilight) but that’s not what Buffy is all about. (Even though Stephanie Myers clearly took elements from Buffy to write Twilight) Buffy is completely different, in that the mystical elements aren’t really what drive the show. It’s the character development and the way the interact with each other. It’s that all these characters being so fleshed out that, I feel like I know them inside and out. The monster and demons  just allegories for what it’s like going from audolence into adulthood. So that’s why when someone decided to create a movie and take all these elements out, what we are left with is something very unexciting.

Of course I wasn’t the only Buffy fan who felt this way, as there was a HUGE backlash on the internet for this thing. Every fan collectively joined together in hating this piece of filth and rightly so. As I am typing this, the production has been altered (there is a god) because they have decided to find a new writer on the script. Originally, it was going to be someone named Whit Anderson but, they decided her script wasn’t good enough and are finding a new one.

Good luck (so to speak of course) finding someone to write this after all the backlash it’s gotten. On second thought you know who would probably love to write the script? The guy who has been writing the franchise for 20 years (i’m including the movie) now. But hey, that would only make sense and leave fans happy. Silly me for thinking appealing to the proven successful fan base is how to make a movie profitable. Everyone knows reaching for an audience who won’t be interested in the film anyway is the way to make money. /sarcasm off

Thanks for reading. And have a happy Weekend!

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Despite the fact that I’ve only started this blog a day ago, I’ve decided that in order to avoid monotony, I am going to do something other than ranting. When people read my blog, I not only want to laugh (either at my jokes or my incompetence) but see why I get so upset when bad music is popular. I want my readers to understand my passion in music. So these post will be me reviewing and talking about artist and albums I like or dislike. They may not be very long but I hope you enjoy them.

First up is Tori Amos.

 

Tori Amos (born Myra Ellen Amos) was one of several female singer/songwriters who combined the stark lyrical attack of alternative rock with a distinctly ’70s musical approach, creating music that fell between the orchestrated meditations of Kate Bush and the stripped-down poetics of Joni Mitchell. In addition, she revived the singer/songwriter traditions of the ’70s while re-establishing the piano as a rock & roll instrument.

Here is my review for her solo debut, Little Earthquakes

The album opens up with the very dark  yet interesting Crucify. With its haunting melody, piano beautifully chiming during the chorus, and Tori Amos’s unapologetic lyric’s about religion this song is well worth a listen. It easily flows into two of the best tracks on the album Girl and Silent all these years. Both songs seem to share similar themes as they are both about women in relationships in which they’ve lost their voice and are now trapped in them. Girl has a much more theatrical feel to it with its stomping drums and dramatic violin. Silent all these years has a more simplistic approach with its production even though it is essentially featuring the same instruments.

The softer Silent all these years is a great contrast to the next track, Precious Things, that is anything but soft. Everything from the  banging Piano, to the thumping drums, to the mysterious breathing effect seem to be smashing down to create a very driving beat. It’ sounds very angry and since the song is written about adolescence angst, it fits perfectly. Tori’s writing is the strongest we’ve seen to this point including one of my favorite lyrics written by Ms. Amos, “Just so you can make me cum, doesn’t make you jesus.” It’s my second favorite track on the album only tied with the next song, Winter. With its twinkling piano and delicate violin, this is Winter is a beautiful song.

Playing off the very somber tones of Winter, Happy Phantom features a very playful piano and jumpy beat as Tori sings about the possibilities of the afterlife. The next track leading right back in the somber tones is China.  It reminds me of Winter but only musicality wise. Lyric wise, the song is surprising straightforward which is rare in any Tori Amos song, even an early 90’s one.

The production gets toned down for next two tracks Leather and Mother as they feature Tori and her piano with no backing instruments. Leather seems to use to piano to get a more rough and somewhat sinister effect making it an enjoyable listen. While the latter track uses it to get a more somber tone and this works to an even greater effect then Leather. While the six-minute running time may seem a little intimidating at first, its well worth repeat listens. The piano seems to be telling its own story as well. One moment it’s quiet and lullaby like, while at another moment its very dramatic and make’s it’s presence known.

The next track is the acoustic guitar dominant Tear in your hand. This song is almost like a cousin to Happy Phantom but I think this one is superior. Tear in your hand with its sharp hook and clever lyrics makes it one to listen to over and over again. The next song though, is the best song on the entire album, and there isn’t even any musical accompaniment. Tori sings about her REAL life rape experience a capella in the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. It’s hunting, it’s upsetting, it somewhat strangely comforting, it’s everything I imagine a victim of rape must go through. This song literally made me cry the first few times I heard it. The hunting lyrics and the pain in her voice just rip right into your chest and grab at your heart.

The final track is the very eclectic title track. While it isn’t one of my favorites, it’s enjoyable none the less and is worth at least a few listens.

Overall what would I recommend Little Earthquakes? Yes!!! If your a fan of artist like Fiona Apple or Joni Mitchell or especially Kate Bush, you’ll love this album as much as I did!

Thanks for reading!

 

When comes to talentless whores who have no business  being in music, you probably picture famed professional slut Ke$ha. But alas my unlucky readers, for there is another who has managed to grab fame for herself. If you couldn’t tell my the title of this blog, i’m talking about no one other than Katy Perry.

A brief history: A former Christian artist, Katy Perry rebranded herself as a larger-than-life pop star and rose to prominence during the summer of 2008. Before she topped the charts with songs like “I Kissed a Girl” and “California Gurls,” though, she spent the better part of a decade recording music under a different name. Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson(or Katy Hudson, as she billed herself on her 2001 gospel album) was born on October 25, 1984, in Santa Barbara, CA. Raised in a religious household as the daughter of two pastors, she was forbidden to listen to secular bands as a child, although a childhood slumber party introduced her to the music of Alanis Morissette and Freddie Mercury. Religious music remained at the forefront, however, and Katy released a self-titled Christian album in 2001 under her original name. She would later abandon the genre (and her given surname) in favor of a pop career.

My dislike for Katy Perry is more so than any pop singer today, that including the aforementioned Ke$ha. At least Ke$ha , a.) Has some sort of musical presence and identity. Sure it’s being a whore, but it’s an identity none the less. b.) At least Ke$ha can admit she is a whore. Katy Perry seems to have this moral high ground when it is convenient for her. For example, does anyone remember when she criticized Lady Gaga for putting religious symbols in one of  her music videos, even though at the same time Ms. Perry’s showed California Gurls a video that featured whip cream shooting out of her tits. Classy Ms. Perry, very Classy

Reminds me of the whole Sinead O’ Conner and Madonna scandal, but only not as entertaining, seeing as how we didn’t get a Sex book from it. I could go on for pages about what I truly hate about her, but i’ll sum it up in three points.

1.) Horrible song writing

Let me say this, Katy Perry gains ONE, only one, point for at least writing her own material. It’s sad that top 40 artist put so little effort in their OWN music that this counts for anything, but whatever. With at that said, she still can’t write worth a shit. Let’s look at some of her lyric’s shall we, starting with one of her most offensive songs toward homosexual (but not her most offensive) This was also her first big hit. We’ll start with the chorus:

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like…

Fucking amazing, I mean just some of the most poetic song writing i’ve seen since the days of Jim Morrison. Despite the unbelievable simplistic and repetitive nature of this chorus, your probably thinking to yourself, “Hey that’s just the chorus, the verses are probably better written.” And maybe I am being a little unfair by beginning with the chorus so here is the second verse :

You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

Nope the writing is still shitty. First off, what’s with the forced McDonald’s reference? I’m thinking she (Katy actually wrote this “gem”) was trying to be clever, but she isn’t that sharp so this is what we end up with. Get it, because you can get a happy meal from McDonald’s and you used to be able to supersize your meals! 😦 Ugh…..  Second, MySpace references are just timeless aren’t they? It’s not like they were already outdated in even 2008( when this song was released) and at this point it making one just looks sad. On a side note, when I first heard the song, I swear she said “crowd my space instead.”  Probably an attempt to fix that horrible writing. My final issue is the ending of the verse, where it just cuts right the fuck off. I mean “more makeup than”- what? Did she forget to finish writing something after than? It’s not like it was for cadence purposes or to finish  the aabb rhyming pattern she has, because doesn’t rhyme with the preceding verse. After the end of the verse all we get is the same chorus again, so is she saying that this person “wears more make-up than you’re so gay?” Maybe she’s supposed to be saying it like:” I can’t believe you wear more make-up than me, but than again you’re so gay”….. I think I’m digging to deep into this very shallow song, but the end to that verse always annoyed me. Overall the song is just making fun of someone for doing things of a stereotypically gay person. I’ve heard fans defend the song by saying it’s about a guy who’s so metrosexual that he is basically a total pussy. That still doesn’t make the song any less insulting or stupid. If the song is an attempt to slam an ex lover, she did a fucking horrible job.  The best she could come up with is “your so gay”? What, is she thirteen?

This pretty much sums up the problem I have with her writing. I mean, she attempts to be clever and witty but fails embarrassingly. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s afraid if alienating her tween fan base by going over their heads or if she’s just that stupid. I’m gonna go with the latter here.

2.) She can’t sing worth a damn

This isn’t just me being mean or a smart-ass here either, no, this is a well known fact to even Perry fan’s themselves. Look up any live performance and you’ll swear you never saw or heard such an embarrassing thing in your life. I won’t subject you to it by posting a link here, but just TRUST me. Hell, if you type in Katy Perry’s name on Google one of the things that is suggested is “Katy Perry can’t sing live.” When she tries to she either does this strange out of breath whisper that is always off key or she tries way to hard to add “passion” in her voice by doing this weird guttural thing. To give you an example when she does the latter, she sounds like a doped out (or even more doped, if possible) version of Courtney Love from her Hole days.

Also, she can’t sing live? As opposed to being able to sing well in the studio? If an artist isn’t able to perform a song live, at least marginally well, then they can’t sing. End of story, sorry Perry fans. Speaking of Katy Perry on stage, she has the stage presence of a goddamn codfish. I mean, she wear’s skimpy outfits and I guess she thinks (or the big wigs at her record company) this is going to distracts us from her lack of talent. New flash, it doesn’t because we can still hear her horrendous voice.  According to Wikipedia she also decided that if she is gonna be a performer she should be able to play an instrument. So she took up the guitar, and I again have to give her a point for credibility for attempting to play or own instrument. She almost never plays this on stage though, as she’d much rather prance around on stage showing her ass then actually have any credibility as an artist.

3.) Great production values

I know you’re wondering why this is bad. I mean great production in her music makes it good, right? Actually no, it doesn’t because not only does it highlight her piss-poor songwriting and voice, but it gives listeners a false hope of potential. Let’s take the song Ur so Gay for instance since I already used it for an earlier example. The song has this nice mellow guitar riff and slightly sinister piano mixed with this awesome whistling that reminds me of Liz Phair’s Supernova. It’s very trippy while at the same time has this very tight hook  to it. The song just seems to be made for the sharp lyrics and even Perry’s voice surprisingly works here. But like stated above, the lyrics are just too dull and don’t hold up even the slightest. Another example is Waking up in Vegas with it’s very bouncy beat and  catchy hook, the song had so much potential. All it needed was shaper lyrics but alas it fails. The only thing that my third point proves is that whoever is producing her albums deserves a much better artist to work with.

To conclude, Ke$ha Katy Perry is a lot of things, but talented is sadly not one of them. At times she show slight potential as someone who could be an interesting artist, but never even lives up to a quarter of it. Sadly she is only talented at selling this image as a “sex kitten” that apparently all of mainstream america seems to eat up. What a waste…..

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